Peers in Pockets

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I enjoyed spending some time reading this post by Daniel Willingham, “Give a kid a computer…what does it do to her social life?”.  He discussed a number of studies in this regard, some findings and the limitations of the data.  Please read his post for the further links and insights he provided.

In addition to his good points, I related to his concern he wrote about in the last paragraph:

My real concern about digital technology use in teens is hard to quantify. When I was a teen I, like most, probably assigned too much value to the opinions of my peers.  They necessarily stopped influencing me when I got off the school bus, and I was influenced mostly by my parents and two sisters. I don’t relish the thought of children taking their peer groups home with them in their pockets, influencing them 24/7, and diminishing the impact of their families.”

A book by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté, Hold on to Your Kids, came to my mind, but before I could add the comment, someone already had thought of their work and done so,

The comments you make in your final paragraph remind me very much of what Gordon Neufeld says of the rise in peer group influence and the correlative decline of parent/family influence in the lives of children and teens.”

I am not always sure what to make of some of the studies about the impacts of digital media on children, teens and family life, but I do think the impacts of social media and instant messaging/texting need to be examined separately.  They are often intertwined, but attention to each may vary (my most recent post about texting and relationships here).

I still feel relieved that my children didn’t have their “peers in their pockets” until their late teens.  Maybe the conversations in families are starting sooner now and the impacts may change.  New parents may be having very different conversations and decisions to make right from the start now: The ‘joy’s of digital media in new parenting.

If you wish, I thought this was a good review here of the Neufeld and Maté book and this link is about the book on Gabor Maté’s website.

Re-Purpose

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I know I am not alone in pondering “mid-life” and/or changes to one’s career or life purpose.  I am also quite sure that I am not alone in wondering how it would be best to make a difference given the current issues of today and recent political news and stories.  I wonder how much this is also on the minds of younger people just starting their careers.  I don’t usually read “life purpose” articles too much, but I recently found some good questions for reflection in this article: Does “Life Purpose” Really Equal Life Happiness?  (shared by @JasonLauritsen on Twitter).  The author makes an interesting distinction between “life purpose” and living “on purpose”.  Here are the questions that caught my interest:

  • What do I feel I should have done by this time in my life? Can I create a similar impact with what I can do now or with the wisdom I have accumulated?
  • What do I want to feel more often in my life? What gives me these feelings now?
  • How can I ensure my commitment to living a life where I feel good about the impact I have on others every day?

Thought I would share, in case it helps anyone else — at any age.  I am not sure I have all the answers yet for myself, but it has helped my thinking, planning and prioritizing.

“They’re just texting…”

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I have posted before in attempts to understand and discuss the impacts of texting and “instant” messaging on youth.  As parents, we attempt to monitor who are children are associating with — in person, via devices, and online. When children are younger, it may be easier to chat about the experiences and communications that they are having with friends – both positive and negative.  When they are older and relationships become “romantic”, it gets a bit more challenging.  Experiences and communication become more private from parents.  Parents may also try to give more “space” and privacy.  It can be a tough and delicate balance though.

I often hear the messages of “letting kids fail/fall/make mistakes”, etc.  I believe kids can learn from bad experiences and relationships just as much as good ones.  They have to navigate friendships and relationships and learn from that too.  The advice to parents may also be: “Let them figure it out for themselves”.  But does this serve well as support for their “instant connecting” worlds?  How do parents know when things go too far or become unhealthy given all that can be “unseen” with communication technologies?  How do they know when to intervene and how?  I am not sure there is enough discussion or clear advice available on this, especially when kids are in their late teens and in relationships.  Are there conversations that need to happen sooner?

This is my attempt to provide some support and useful reading.  I may add to the list over time ahead:

Know the Signs:  Spotlight on Nonstop and Excessive Texting

Text Messaging:  Effects on Romantic Relationships and Social Behavior

Obsessive 24/7 Texting From a Partner or Ex Isn’t Cute

In(ternet) Love: Have a Healthy Online Relationship (a lot of good resources for relationships on this site… do explore for other relevant topics)

12 Alarming Ways Texting Controls Modern Relationships

MediaSmarts recently posted a guide for post-secondary students.  I think it is excellent and practical, as well as useful for parents to read or have handy as a resource:

On The Loose: A Guide to Life Online For Post-Secondary Students

The Impact of Cell Phones on Romantic Relationships

Have you got other useful resources or articles? Please suggest!

 

Break out… as you wish

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This winter has definitely been kinder to many of us in Canada (so far).  Even though the weather can be strange and the trends can be worrisome, I have been hearing the relief, if not giddiness, in conversations about this warmer winter!  I have heard many say that January went by fast, so maybe January was less “blue”?  I think it might be worth breaking out in song or dance about!  Whatever the reason or excuse, it might be good for us to do!  I recently read: Landmark study measures healthy dose of the arts.  It lists many ways that one can engage with the arts including (and simply): “Maybe it’s listening to 20 minutes of your favourite music on the way to work or doing a colouring book in your lunch hour or if you have the money going to the theatre.”  Good to know that it may not be as hard to include into a day as one might think!

For further inspiration, I searched for some of my favourite dancing and singing “break out” scenes from movies:

I haven’t seen the new Peanuts movie yet, but for a start:

How about a boogie from Billy Elliot?:

How about a flash mob (before we called them that?):

And who can’t at least smile at “Little Miss Sunshine’s” dance? Olive’s family’s reaction and support is one of my favourite scenes as well:

Breakfast Club style?

Breaking out in song might be more my style.  (Check out the benefits of singing in a choir here.)

A few of my favourites:

 

 

 

 

It’s not perfect in the movies either, so as you wish.. 🙂

Feel free to share your favourite inspirational “break out” example too.