“They’re just texting…”

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I have posted before in attempts to understand and discuss the impacts of texting and “instant” messaging on youth.  As parents, we attempt to monitor who are children are associating with — in person, via devices, and online. When children are younger, it may be easier to chat about the experiences and communications that they are having with friends – both positive and negative.  When they are older and relationships become “romantic”, it gets a bit more challenging.  Experiences and communication become more private from parents.  Parents may also try to give more “space” and privacy.  It can be a tough and delicate balance though.

I often hear the messages of “letting kids fail/fall/make mistakes”, etc.  I believe kids can learn from bad experiences and relationships just as much as good ones.  They have to navigate friendships and relationships and learn from that too.  The advice to parents may also be: “Let them figure it out for themselves”.  But does this serve well as support for their “instant connecting” worlds?  How do parents know when things go too far or become unhealthy given all that can be “unseen” with communication technologies?  How do they know when to intervene and how?  I am not sure there is enough discussion or clear advice available on this, especially when kids are in their late teens and in relationships.  Are there conversations that need to happen sooner?

This is my attempt to provide some support and useful reading.  I may add to the list over time ahead:

Know the Signs:  Spotlight on Nonstop and Excessive Texting

Text Messaging:  Effects on Romantic Relationships and Social Behavior

Obsessive 24/7 Texting From a Partner or Ex Isn’t Cute

In(ternet) Love: Have a Healthy Online Relationship (a lot of good resources for relationships on this site… do explore for other relevant topics)

12 Alarming Ways Texting Controls Modern Relationships

MediaSmarts recently posted a guide for post-secondary students.  I think it is excellent and practical, as well as useful for parents to read or have handy as a resource:

On The Loose: A Guide to Life Online For Post-Secondary Students

The Impact of Cell Phones on Romantic Relationships

Have you got other useful resources or articles? Please suggest!

 

Moving

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This has been a year of moving stuff — new house, adult children moving back and forth and away again… needless to say, I moved away from social media a fair bit in the process.  I just checked in on this blog and noticed that I had missed my “5 years of blogging congratulations” a few days ago.  I see I still have some followers and stats tell me that some of my past posts are still being read.  So while I am no longer posting much, I have been pondering what to do with this blog.  Should I ‘move’ to something else?  Get a new “place” for different stories?  Use my blog or social media differently?  Facebook’s algorithms and engagement “tricks” can annoy me.  Twitter seems less personally engaging and interactive now.  Many people who I have followed for some time don’t tweet and/or blog much anymore.  I miss their voices and messages, but I can’t expect them to post for my benefit.  Have I let it become all about the news and trending topics, or is this now the general experience of social media?  I have chosen to be less “active” with social media and blogging, but will I continue to enjoy a more passive participation?  “SheilaSpeaking” doesn’t quite fit now :)  I could move to something like Instagram, but then something would have to go…

I have two posts in draft on this blog, so I might get to publishing them ahead.  There is one thing — this blog can still feel like more my own space considering all the promotions and advertising on other social media platforms (well, there are those ads that show up at the bottom of my posts via wordpress…).  I still like (need?) to write and place my thoughts somewhere.  Maybe a private journal would serve me well, once again.  I wouldn’t have to complain or reflect about social media use and impact there🙂

See how it goes… but feel free to unfollow this somewhat abandoned blog.  My post topics may be less about education ahead as well.

Sincerely,

SheilaSpeakingLess :)

compartments and filters

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I followed a series of posts recently by my friend, Catherine Luke (@sharejoyinlife). Catherine’s honest thoughts, reflections and questions made me think a lot.  What she discusses regarding social media and what others share are likely struggles that many of us have as we navigate online interactions with friends and relatives.

Catherine posted, Morals, Values, Kindness & Facebook, and then a follow up post, Facebook: Part II – Compartmentalizing Life, about how she resolved some of her concerns and struggles.  She asks some great questions in both posts, for example:

I understand that social media needs to be taken with hefty dose of balance, and that I am by no means the first to struggle with this, but in a world where time is so precious, is this really engagement? Does a quick “like”, or a one line comment count as engaging? And if yes, how does this kind of engagement make us or, worse, society, better?”

And also:

Is compartmentalizing areas of our life necessary for our own happiness? And, if yes, are we losing an integral part of our integrity in doing so? What compromises are we willing to make? What do our compromises say about us? What “encumbrances” are too great to bear? How do we look ourselves in the mirror each day knowing that our silence, inaction, or compartmentalizing is eroding our fundamental foundation?”

I thought Catherine shared and modelled some important considerations, strategies and steps.  There can certainly be sharing that offends others, and it can seem that there is a lot that is not said or responded to on social media.  How does one best decide what needs response and what should be ignored and/or tolerated?  Do we filter our feeds and friends to our own detriment? Does it matter?

Do those who “know a time before Facebook” think too much about all this? Are these struggles and reflection important?  Can younger people benefit from this open thinking on and about these spaces? How are responses different depending on relationships in real life?  In Catherine’s situation, the relationship was important to her, but the individual’s posts troubled her.

Catherine posted a third brave post to her blog in order to process, address and speak to the topic and related postings that troubled her.  Are personal blogs helpful to address what one can’t in other online spaces?

Sunset Reflection

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Summer is short in Ontario where I am, as well as in other areas and provinces.  The majority of people in my social media connections are from Ontario, so I relate to their excitement in sharing a photo of a bloom, a tree, a lake, a sunset, etc., to celebrate summer moments.  Sunset photos are shared a lot, especially one over a lake — love those!  If you want an online visual treat, just search with both #sunset and #Ontario on Twitter.  I know Northwestern Ontario claimed the slogan of “Sunset Country“, but as families head to the many lakes and getaways, it is good to see that so many are taking in their sunset and savouring a moment of summer.

I enjoy a sunrise as well, but a sunset seems just as celebratory of a good day, a reflective moment, a punctuation of a wonderful vacation… or maybe it is the array of colour and the fact that we are enjoying them so much later into the evening in the summer.  Regardless, enjoy the moments… share if you wish — wherever you are!  The first day of winter is 5 months away…

I often like the “cloud effect”… one of mine taken a few years ago in “Sunset Country”:

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Personally, I blog…

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This past weekend I read a few blog posts specifically about education blogs and bloggers.  I noticed a few of the posts shared by Doug Peterson on Twitter.  His own blog was reviewed by a preservice teacher and it started some conversation and a response post by Sue Waters, “Blogging is personal.. or is it?”  I found the discussion about voice and the personal aspects of blogging interesting.  Sue offers some good advice to new bloggers.  I also got thinking about how bloggers can be personal as well as personable and professional.  It may all be about style of writing and personality as well.  I think just having a blog involves some personal risk too.  With each post there is a certain amount of personal risk-taking — whether resources or ideas or reflections are shared.

I think that it is okay if people want and look for different things from blogs.  A blog that didn’t appeal at one time may end up having an appeal at another time.  This could be due to the blogger’s or the reader’s change in situation or growth over the time.  I read quite a few blogs regularly and I don’t have any problem if the posts take on a personal approach or offer a personal reflection or story.  I enjoy “seeing” more of the person behind the postings.  When I started tweeting and blogging, I never expected the connections and friendships that would come out of it.  I also didn’t expect to continue as I did.  I think having a chance to do personal stories or reflections on a blog helps me, so I won’t fault anyone else for doing the same.  It isn’t always easy.

Nathan Hall’s recent post celebrating his own blogging connected some dots for me too.  I thought he offered a great argument for reflective blogging and some great advice to help sustain blogging, be real, and take risks.  Here is his list (but do read his full post please):

  1. Don’t focus on the numbers; they will only take attention away from what is really important. Does it really matter how many people liked your post? It may be that the one post that only gets a few visits might be just what one person needed to read that day. It’s all about the bigger picture
  2. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You are a person. People do stupid stuff from time to time. People are generally understanding, and if they aren’t, don’t dwell. Make this a time to learn from your less than glamorous moment and others will as well.
  3. Be real. This goes together with number two. You can try as you might to look better than you are or to pander to the masses, but most people will see through the thin veil of vanity and you will tend to lose strength in your message. Stay true to you.
  4. Don’t try to compete with others. It isn’t a game with others as your opponents. One thing I have learned more than anything during this time is that I am not the smartest, best, or any other superlative and I am more than content with that. I actually do think I have some things to share with others, but I gladly concede any titles to others.
  5. Push yourself, but don’t feel you have to always find something to blog. There have been more than a few times that I have put the writing to the side for a season. When I felt the urge to share something, I’ve picked it back up again. It has its ebbs and flows.
  6. When sharing your posts, put it out there a few times, especially on Twitter where it can be buried fairly quickly, but don’t overdo it. It is just a personal thing, but I don’t like to share a post for more than 24 hours on social media. After that, I feel like I look desperate for visitors and I don’t feel good about it. Again, this is just my own decision and others feel differently. Feel free to make your own choices on that.

I appreciate the personal and personable approach of bloggers like Nathan and Doug and many others. I think it is possible to “blog the personal” and still benefit others.  Many bloggers do so from the good of their heart.  It can be the great thing about blogs — choice in how and why you use a blog, as well as in which blogs you read, as Sue Waters discussed in her post as well.

But I am sure there are still some drawbacks to blogs for many.  Can there be too much pressure to post what you think your readers expect?  Too much choice?  Is it different for education blogs?  What sustains you in blogging and/or reading blogs?

For the record…

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I find that I seldom bother adding photos to my blog posts lately, but I have learned a lot that I didn’t know about proper credit and attribution of photos and images since the time I began blogging.  I am likely guilty of posting a photo without proper credit.  This is the most recent post I read on the topic (via Doug Peterson).  Also this post via Chris Wejr, which links another related post written by Chris.

I used to have a photo of me linked to this blog (via Gravatar).  The way that the picture was showing up with posts to social media was more than I was comfortable with, so I changed it to a flower.  I haven’t made proper credit to that photo.  One of my daughters took it and she gave me verbal permission to use it without concern for public credit.  I guess this post is somewhat of a credit and a “for the record”, in case anyone was wondering.  My daughter and I are both fine with this for now, but will we regret it? It’s just a flower picture maybe… but I was in awe of how pretty it was regardless of what effect I applied to it.  However, I stayed with the original colour for my “profile”.

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Careful Sharing

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I often quietly observe and ponder what and how others post on social media.  I also reflect on what I post and share.  I often have conversations with others about this.  I am sure most people do all of the above as well.  We can judge or justify just about anything in regards to sharing on social media it can seem at times.

I have used the expression, “sharing is caring” in the past, but I also think that being careful what you share is also caring.  Yet I know that there will be differences in opinion about what “careful sharing” looks like.  The conversation often leads to a debate about sharing as a “brand” and what is appropriate for different age groups, especially youth.  Andrew Campbell covered that topic well in a recent post.  I like to share/post things that I find interesting and inspiring, but I also try to be less quick to share and take that space

One way I have tried to withhold judgement about what other people post/share is by thinking about how our communities, neighbourhoods, and social opportunities have changed.  Our families, friends and acquaintances are not in close proximity as much as in the past.  Sharing our lives, experiences, and reactions to news and events in bits and pieces often and over time with close ties may not be possible as it once was.  Our social needs remain, but the contexts have changed.  Our mobile devices make it so easy to share in the moment what we are excited about.  Upsides and downsides, I recognize.

I hope social media hasn’t replaced or reduced in-person interactions, but it has filled a gap.  But I often sense that it can get “overboard”.  When is sharing really bragging?  When is “bragging” really just a need to be validated because more socially acceptable interaction or validation is not there?  It is called a “status” update.  It’s tricky, I know.  There are times when I get bored with social media… reading about social media… but here I am writing about it again…🙂

Two articles I found on Twitter recently (shared by @redfearn and @courosa, respectively) that connected and pushed some of my thoughts on this:

Sharenting

The Weird Way Facebook and Instagram Are Making Us Happier

Both are thought-provoking about the sharing of experiences on social media and what that could mean — now and in the future.

 

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