Peers in Pockets

Leave a comment

I enjoyed spending some time reading this post by Daniel Willingham, “Give a kid a computer…what does it do to her social life?”.  He discussed a number of studies in this regard, some findings and the limitations of the data.  Please read his post for the further links and insights he provided.

In addition to his good points, I related to his concern he wrote about in the last paragraph:

My real concern about digital technology use in teens is hard to quantify. When I was a teen I, like most, probably assigned too much value to the opinions of my peers.  They necessarily stopped influencing me when I got off the school bus, and I was influenced mostly by my parents and two sisters. I don’t relish the thought of children taking their peer groups home with them in their pockets, influencing them 24/7, and diminishing the impact of their families.”

A book by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté, Hold on to Your Kids, came to my mind, but before I could add the comment, someone already had thought of their work and done so,

The comments you make in your final paragraph remind me very much of what Gordon Neufeld says of the rise in peer group influence and the correlative decline of parent/family influence in the lives of children and teens.”

I am not always sure what to make of some of the studies about the impacts of digital media on children, teens and family life, but I do think the impacts of social media and instant messaging/texting need to be examined separately.  They are often intertwined, but attention to each may vary (my most recent post about texting and relationships here).

I still feel relieved that my children didn’t have their “peers in their pockets” until their late teens.  Maybe the conversations in families are starting sooner now and the impacts may change.  New parents may be having very different conversations and decisions to make right from the start now: The ‘joy’s of digital media in new parenting.

If you wish, I thought this was a good review here of the Neufeld and Maté book and this link is about the book on Gabor Maté’s website.

informed, but full

2 Comments

It’s been one week since the inauguration of the new U.S. president and I don’t think I have ever paid so much attention to U.S. politics before.  I am trying not to get caught up in a… “What did Trump do today?” sort of thing.  I am feeling quite confused about what and how much I should be paying attention to…  if at all.  Other questions:  Where should I look and read to stay informed?  Am I aware of how algorithms are determining what I read?  Yesterday I read Dean Shareski’s post about similar thoughts and questions (he links other good reading as well).  A few of his points/positions resonated with me, including:

In the end, many of us are getting obese on information. I know some would argue that’s the price we have to pay. We are forced to stay informed. But staying informed today with being somewhat misinformed is extremely challenging.”

I recently changed my “Twitter bio” to mention that I was using Twitter to stay informed.  Lately though, I have been a bit disturbed by what I have been informed about.  Maybe things will settle down soon…  It still makes me feel a bit lost and I wonder if there is any point to individuals blogging, tweeting or responding with all the information (and manipulation?) and news (and “fake news”) blasting out lately.  (Well, some of the humorous responses have eased the tension some!)

Donna Miller Fry has been tackling the topic about the challenges of our current internet and online/social media worlds through a series of “10 posts in 10 days” on her blog.  She has really dug into some important questions and current realities.  She is listing all 10 posts with further good reading and listening here.

Lots to digest and balance…

One step ahead

2 Comments

I recently read Glen Cochrane’s blog post regarding a book he read about Jian Ghomeshi.  I haven’t read the book, but I appreciated reading Glen’s thoughts.  One paragraph in particular on his post had me pondering a good while,

I can’t help notice the role of technology here (texting), that enabled Ghomeshi to maintain a presence and a dialog that ultimately signified consent (in a legal and public opinion sense), without actually getting consent. Technology provides an easy way to maintain presence, yet also provides a way to remain ambiguous – this isn’t good nor bad in itself, except that courts and legal matters need to take such new forms of communication and relationship status into account. As does public opinion.”

write and think a lot (probably too much) about the impact of communication technologies on many things.  It can be both interesting and disturbing to me how new forms of communication are being “used” by individuals.  I often think about how technology can help maintain a presence in a “distant” way.  It comes with convenience, but I think it can still be “emotional work”.   But, as Glen referred to, Ghomeshi did what manipulators do… which encompassed how he communicated through texting.  With new communication technologies and changing norms with each, there is a lot to consider — context, relationship, skills, individual intent and purpose, etc.  I often think about cases and situations like this:  How would the situation and/or outcomes been different without texting (or.. insert other form of communication)?  I doubt there is any “one step ahead” in this for society.  We seem to continue to learn, teach, and be impacted “two steps behind”.  It this okay?  Is it always okay?

Just my jumble of thoughts amidst a confusing world of politics and communications today…

 

 

“They’re just texting…”

2 Comments

I have posted before in attempts to understand and discuss the impacts of texting and “instant” messaging on youth.  As parents, we attempt to monitor who are children are associating with — in person, via devices, and online. When children are younger, it may be easier to chat about the experiences and communications that they are having with friends – both positive and negative.  When they are older and relationships become “romantic”, it gets a bit more challenging.  Experiences and communication become more private from parents.  Parents may also try to give more “space” and privacy.  It can be a tough and delicate balance though.

I often hear the messages of “letting kids fail/fall/make mistakes”, etc.  I believe kids can learn from bad experiences and relationships just as much as good ones.  They have to navigate friendships and relationships and learn from that too.  The advice to parents may also be: “Let them figure it out for themselves”.  But does this serve well as support for their “instant connecting” worlds?  How do parents know when things go too far or become unhealthy given all that can be “unseen” with communication technologies?  How do they know when to intervene and how?  I am not sure there is enough discussion or clear advice available on this, especially when kids are in their late teens and in relationships.  Are there conversations that need to happen sooner?

This is my attempt to provide some support and useful reading.  I may add to the list over time ahead:

Know the Signs:  Spotlight on Nonstop and Excessive Texting

Text Messaging:  Effects on Romantic Relationships and Social Behavior

Obsessive 24/7 Texting From a Partner or Ex Isn’t Cute

In(ternet) Love: Have a Healthy Online Relationship (a lot of good resources for relationships on this site… do explore for other relevant topics)

12 Alarming Ways Texting Controls Modern Relationships

MediaSmarts recently posted a guide for post-secondary students.  I think it is excellent and practical, as well as useful for parents to read or have handy as a resource:

On The Loose: A Guide to Life Online For Post-Secondary Students

The Impact of Cell Phones on Romantic Relationships

Have you got other useful resources or articles? Please suggest!

 

Moving

9 Comments

This has been a year of moving stuff — new house, adult children moving back and forth and away again… needless to say, I moved away from social media a fair bit in the process.  I just checked in on this blog and noticed that I had missed my “5 years of blogging congratulations” a few days ago.  I see I still have some followers and stats tell me that some of my past posts are still being read.  So while I am no longer posting much, I have been pondering what to do with this blog.  Should I ‘move’ to something else?  Get a new “place” for different stories?  Use my blog or social media differently?  Facebook’s algorithms and engagement “tricks” can annoy me.  Twitter seems less personally engaging and interactive now.  Many people who I have followed for some time don’t tweet and/or blog much anymore.  I miss their voices and messages, but I can’t expect them to post for my benefit.  Have I let it become all about the news and trending topics, or is this now the general experience of social media?  I have chosen to be less “active” with social media and blogging, but will I continue to enjoy a more passive participation?  “SheilaSpeaking” doesn’t quite fit now 🙂  I could move to something like Instagram, but then something would have to go…

I have two posts in draft on this blog, so I might get to publishing them ahead.  There is one thing — this blog can still feel like more my own space considering all the promotions and advertising on other social media platforms (well, there are those ads that show up at the bottom of my posts via wordpress…).  I still like (need?) to write and place my thoughts somewhere.  Maybe a private journal would serve me well, once again.  I wouldn’t have to complain or reflect about social media use and impact there 🙂

See how it goes… but feel free to unfollow this somewhat abandoned blog.  My post topics may be less about education ahead as well.

Sincerely,

SheilaSpeakingLess 🙂

compartments and filters

Leave a comment

I followed a series of posts recently by my friend, Catherine Luke (@sharejoyinlife). Catherine’s honest thoughts, reflections and questions made me think a lot.  What she discusses regarding social media and what others share are likely struggles that many of us have as we navigate online interactions with friends and relatives.

Catherine posted, Morals, Values, Kindness & Facebook, and then a follow up post, Facebook: Part II – Compartmentalizing Life, about how she resolved some of her concerns and struggles.  She asks some great questions in both posts, for example:

I understand that social media needs to be taken with hefty dose of balance, and that I am by no means the first to struggle with this, but in a world where time is so precious, is this really engagement? Does a quick “like”, or a one line comment count as engaging? And if yes, how does this kind of engagement make us or, worse, society, better?”

And also:

Is compartmentalizing areas of our life necessary for our own happiness? And, if yes, are we losing an integral part of our integrity in doing so? What compromises are we willing to make? What do our compromises say about us? What “encumbrances” are too great to bear? How do we look ourselves in the mirror each day knowing that our silence, inaction, or compartmentalizing is eroding our fundamental foundation?”

I thought Catherine shared and modelled some important considerations, strategies and steps.  There can certainly be sharing that offends others, and it can seem that there is a lot that is not said or responded to on social media.  How does one best decide what needs response and what should be ignored and/or tolerated?  Do we filter our feeds and friends to our own detriment? Does it matter?

Do those who “know a time before Facebook” think too much about all this? Are these struggles and reflection important?  Can younger people benefit from this open thinking on and about these spaces? How are responses different depending on relationships in real life?  In Catherine’s situation, the relationship was important to her, but the individual’s posts troubled her.

Catherine posted a third brave post to her blog in order to process, address and speak to the topic and related postings that troubled her.  Are personal blogs helpful to address what one can’t in other online spaces?

Sunset Reflection

3 Comments

 

Summer is short in Ontario where I am, as well as in other areas and provinces.  The majority of people in my social media connections are from Ontario, so I relate to their excitement in sharing a photo of a bloom, a tree, a lake, a sunset, etc., to celebrate summer moments.  Sunset photos are shared a lot, especially one over a lake — love those!  If you want an online visual treat, just search with both #sunset and #Ontario on Twitter.  I know Northwestern Ontario claimed the slogan of “Sunset Country“, but as families head to the many lakes and getaways, it is good to see that so many are taking in their sunset and savouring a moment of summer.

I enjoy a sunrise as well, but a sunset seems just as celebratory of a good day, a reflective moment, a punctuation of a wonderful vacation… or maybe it is the array of colour and the fact that we are enjoying them so much later into the evening in the summer.  Regardless, enjoy the moments… share if you wish — wherever you are!  The first day of winter is 5 months away…

I often like the “cloud effect”… one of mine taken a few years ago in “Sunset Country”:

IMG-20130717-00224 (2)

Older Entries