In just a couple of days I have been surprised by the number of times I have seen a recent Globe and Mail article get shared in my Twitter stream. “Why kids need to fail in order to succeed in school” is somewhat lengthy (5 pages), but I made a point of reading it. I also shared someone else’s tweet regarding it. I could have easily not read past the title thinking it may be another article blaming parenting as the source of trouble. I am not sure that the title aligns all that well to the article or the book mentioned. At the time I posted this, there were 374 comments on the article.
It left me thinking and with a few questions nonetheless. Do we need to reflect a bit more and take time to understand why things are the way they are, and have become? What are the conditions we need to create in order to shift to more acceptance of failure and allow time for appropriate amounts of adversity, and at the right time? Changes in parenting may be difficult without changes and support in schools, workplaces, and in society. How do we support time for parenting and adjust the messages and pressures to succeed that directly affect parenting? Who will do this?
I couldn’t help think of Carl Honoré’s book, Under Pressure: Rescuing childhood from the culture of hyper-parenting. There are many good points in the conclusion in his book which would be a great supplementary read to this article, and perhaps the book metioned as well. He recognizes that there is no single formula for child rearing, as well as that there are some basic principles that hold true across class and culture. But he goes on to say, “Of course, parenting is just part of the equation. Beyond the family, we need to rethink the rules that govern everything that touches children’s lives—school, advertising, toys, sports, technology, traffic”. (p. 261). He also states, “What all of this adds up to is finding a new definition of childhood”.
So is the conversation really about “failure” and “succeeding” and “grit”, or about the conditions of childhood? All of the above? How do we come together collectively in this conversation to support parenting and childhood?
Anelia Coppes
Sep 02, 2012 @ 13:28:53
An interesting topic failure and success as we embark on another school year. I will keep my post short Sheila, a busy time of year and it is the long weekend. The answer is in your last question, ‘come together collectively to support parent and childhood.’ There is no manual to the parenting role. We look at each other pick up pointers as we go along, change things up a bit, cross our fingers and at times come to the conclusion…’our parents were right.’
On a quick note what I strongly believe, the old proverb ‘…. it takes a village to raise a child.’
Enjoy the last of summer everyone,
Anelia Coppes
Parent
SStewart
Sep 05, 2012 @ 23:31:08
Thanks Anelia – good thoughts!
Stephen Hurley (@Stephen_Hurley)
Sep 02, 2012 @ 22:20:34
Thanks for this Sheila. I’ll also keep my comment short, mainly because I have to go back and re-read the article…for the third time!
But I’ve been thinking all day about the term ”grit”. There’s something about it that just doesn’t sit well with the vision I have for raising my own children. Grit sounds so…well…gritty.
But let me ponder more about all of this!
SStewart
Sep 05, 2012 @ 23:32:33
Looking forward to your further pondering on ‘grít’, Stephen!
mrwejr
Sep 03, 2012 @ 10:32:55
Sheila – always enjoy your reflective questions. I keep going back to the success I had as a coach and then used as a teacher and now a parent. If we challenge kids to push themselves slightly beyond their comfort zones and provide feedback based on a “growth mindset” (Dweck) we often see conditions that lead to more personal success. As soon as we tell kids they are great at everything or nothing, we shift the focus to a fixed mindset.
Like you, i find the title is misleading as it is designed to sell books and has little to do with what the conversation actually is about. I do fear that some will read the title and think “see, we need to fail kids more”.
Love what you said about creating the conditions. We do need to create the conditions for students to succeed (build confidence rather than self esteem) and challenge themselves beyond where they are at. Always keeping in mind that we all can learn more and be better with purposeful practice.
SStewart
Sep 05, 2012 @ 23:43:09
Good messages there, Chris. Yes, the article could easily lead one to different conclusions. I like the idea of shifting focus to confidence rather than self esteem – helps with thinking about the conditions which build that. I wonder if the conversation should be more about the conditions that allow for risk, rather than failure.
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